The Night Vampire Kermit Scucked my Blood

(Trollpasta by Hyper)

This morning I jumped out of my window. With luck, I fell onto the ground. I was running away from the dreaded OH! A creature so vile, so disturbing, it can scuck the living soul outta full grown turkey neck, but let's start at the beginning.

I was eating my kissy lips cereal this morning to QUENCH my fantasies. The moist air got inhaled into my lungs, it morphed with carbon dioxide and I breath it out because I'm in the present now ain't I??? So I'm there eatin' mah surul when the tv aesthetic turned on and peared into my eyes.

"Ominous unknown killer still at large!" The man said in a suede pink vest, "And he might be going to your house right now!!!!!" I grabbed my MAN BREAST that was about to burst from my beating heart. "OMINOUS UNKNOWN KILLER????" I yelled, "AND HE'S GOING TO MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW?!??!?!?!?!?" I packed my shizz and took mAH ASS OUT OF HOLLYWOOD wait what.

I jumped out of my window, with luck, I fell onto the ground. Wait... Eh, just déjà vu I guess. Anyway... so like, I'm running down the street then this guy stops me and asks me, "WUT U DOIN GOIN DOWN DA ROAD?????????????" I say in a totally calm manner, "THERE'S A FREAKING KILLER ON THIS STREET YOU HAVE TO LET ME GET OUT OF THIS TOWN PLEASE HELP ME OH GOD HELP ME WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE THE NEWS SAID SO OH PLEASE HELP ME GET OUT OF HERE OH MY GOD THE KILLER IS GOING TO GET ME FOR HEAVENS SAKE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".

The guy just laughs at me and says, "Did you watch it on Fox News? They always say shit like th-" and before he could finish sentence, the killer attacked his neck. Blud and guts and blud and BLUD WENT EVERWHEREb. IT WENT ON MAH FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was revealed that the killer was vampire kermit all along!!!!!!! he always scucked his prey to death,,

He looked at me with his crusty pizza face and I knew that he wanted to scuck out my soul. I turned around and ran away as fast as I could. I ran through some snorts yard and I stepped on poopoo, YUCKY! I slipped in the icky poopoo and kermit shoved his plastic fangs into my soft, tender, chicken goozle goggle.

Moral of the story, don't watch Fox News.