Corner Store

(Trollpasta by Nyro, Hyper and Zy) THIS STORY IS SUPER LONG AND RANDOM SO OKAY? OKAY.

One time I went to the store with $5 in my hand, bringing a crinkly bag with me. In the store, wanting to QUENCH my fantasies, wait what? I went to the ice cream section, where a creepy old man was twerking at the very end.

"HEY LITTLE MAN!!!" He yelled to me, "WANT SOME SONIC ICE CREAM???!?!? YOU'LL LOVE IT!!!!!!!"

I responded with, ".", then took the ice cream. I quickly twerked back out of the dark snort aisle as the man continued to stare into my soul with his bulbous face. I walked out of the store and looked at the snorty ice cream.

The snorty ice cream looked back at me, but SUDDENLY IT HAS RED ULTRA REALISTIC GLOWING SNORT EYES THAT STARE DEEP INTO MY SOUL. I screamed for ice cream.

The ice cream suddenly fell from my shriveled hands and melted into the ground without context. All that was left were the snort gumball eyes still staring into my soul. OH!

I cried. I turned around and saw the creepy snort man standing there.

"OH??? SO YOU DON'T LIKE MY ICE CREAM!!?" He said.

"YEAH!!! AND I'D RATHER HAVE MARS BARS THAN THAT!!!!!" I replied. Then I ran away from the creepy snort guy. But just before doing that, I whispered into the air, "Make 'I Hate Mars Bars'." I ran to oblivion, then I dissipated with a fart sound. Then I spawned again just behind the creepy guy. How unfortunate.

I watched as the old man's wrinkled grinch face began to morph into something more diva-isnous. OR whatever. It was Lien-Da's revamped snort! She threw a remote at my face and screamed "BUT MY ICE CREAM IS AWOME! NOW EAT IT OR SNORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

TremblayingTM I ran into the store since I was behind him (but he was only 2 feet tall SNORT). I ran into the ice cream aisle again and there were floating, messed up, bloody, hyperrealistic, snort, DARK SONIC ICE CREAM!!!!! THEY WERE STARING INTO MY SOUL AND THEY WHISPERED SWEET NOTHINGS LIKE, "I am a minion XD".

Then they laughed. Their laughter sounded like a G-Major version of Joel's laugh. It filled the air, creeping me the HECK(TM) out. Chills ran down my spine. At the same time, I cringed because they were slowly morphing into naked ass minions. Impeccable me.

The minions slowly twerked closer to my face, and I could hear them start to repeat the words "MAGIC MISSILE!" They began to morph into one magnifacent snort. IT WAS BINK TWERKING ON A GIANT ROBOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was like a Transformer Bink bot wHAT and it slowly BUT FASTLYTM twerked towards me EVEN MORE. I was getting a sweat drop on my forehead because of it. I ran towards the door, but the snort old man was still there! Now 1 inch tall. HOW COULD I GET AROUND HIM!??!? OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.

Just as I thought that, the snort shrinked. And then he expands before dissipating with a "UHHHUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA" sound. "Oh? Oh.", I said to myself. Meanwhile the twerking giantess Bink was inching closer and closer to me. Without delay, I smashed open the door and ran into the streets. But the giantess Bink didn't stop there, oh no. She went into the streets and basically went full-on Godzilla mode. Everyone was screaming for help as the giantess Bink twerked on the buildings, effectively destroying them.

Suddenly, the giantess Bink seemed to get tired, so she decided to take a BIG NAP™. Everyone else in the town evacuated their crappy homes and left the giantess Bink taking up half the everything. With random Medic sweat, oKAY WHAT I twerked into the ground to find my bunker. But in the bunker was a 30 year old man wearing glases.

"No copyright infringement needed." he said.

"." I said to him.

"SUNNY MONSTER IS THE ROBOT SNORT" he replied to me with and he phased through the EARTH.

"Alright then." I thought to myself.

I walked out of the bunker and looked around. Everything was broken and snorty! SNORT. I noticed where the Giantess Bink was TAKING A BIG NAPTM at. It was the Lippies Association snort place! I heard their service was great!!! Too bad the beautiful building was now a bed... What. No literally a bed. It's a bed now with a Strider and Mwah body pillow. EXCUSE ME?

I wanted to take a closer look, since Mwah is senpai and my only bae, and really wanted that bodypillow... T_T

But then I said screw it and moved back to Arkansas. what? Not really. I crawled up to the ginormous bed and I just snatched the bodypillow away from the giantess Bink. Because I can. I'm a reincarnation of Knuckles. wh

After that I ran and ran. I went so fast that I don't even know, but the giantess Bink was still chasing me. "GIVE ME BACK MY BODYPILLOW YOU BAKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she screamed in an incredibly deep voice. "CHECK OUT MY DEEP-ASS VOICE!!!!!!" she screamed again. "NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR", I screamed back as I ran. Oh, yeah, did I mention that I'm a reincarnation of Sonic too?? Oh, and yeah, I watched you a few times!

Suddenly I was stopped by a massive wall. The wall was a moving image of a diaper snort's diapered tush™. And it was playing this song called "CHRISTMAS TIME IN ARKANSAS" the diaper snort absorbed the Mwah body pillow. And then the Giantess Bink ran up to the wall, but she was absorbed by it too. Actually, everything except myself was being absorbed by the twerking diaper snort butt. I decided to run away but then I fell into a giant snort garbage dump area and I saw twerking excavators and giantess Julie-Sus.

The giantess Julie-Sus looked like the new AND IMPROVEDTM Ken Penders redux whatever. Basically a pile of oatmeal. Joel compressed. 10x. They stared at me with their HYPERHYPERHYPERULTRA realistic eyes that were actual oatmeal. They started doing the whip AND NAENAETMTMTMTMTMTM to absolutly no one. The Giantess Bink just stared at them and said, "Die bitches."

The Giantess Bink then started beating the CRAPTM out of them; one by one they fell. Leaving oatmeal everywhere. I LIKE OATMEAL.

As oatmeal kept raining, I start to hear something. It was very faint at first, but after .05 miliseconds it turns into this distorted version of "DO YOUR BEST", and it was bursting my eardrums. After that, I blacked (knuckles) out.

I woke up in a snort creepy hospital. I saw Sonic for a split second before he dissipated. I looked at the suroundings. Suddenly, Dr. Lee Thompson came up to me and said, "HELLO DEARIE, WOULD YOU LIKE A MINI(TM) LIP INJECTION?!?!?!?!!?"

Immediately after, I heard "YYYYYYABA-DABBA-DOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" And then The Flintstones theme plays at an impeccably high volume. There were creepy recolor malformed derp Marios spawning all over the room. They all said, "GRAND DAD." Dr. Lee Thompson then said "PUSH START TO RICH!!!!!!!!!!"

And then suddenly high quality video game rips.

All of the Grand Dads screamed "LET'S READY FOR FUN..!" and they morphed into one MEGA™ Grand Dad. As I looked closer at the Grand Dad's face, I noticed it was the wrinkled grinch face of the guy at the store! HE WAS GRAND DAD ALL ALONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Now that you didn't like my impeccable Sonic ice cream, you have to get a MINI™ or snort!" Grand Dad screamed. Then the Giantess Bink had fresh, plumped lippies. OKAY WHAT?!

Looking up to my lord and saviour Mwah, I accepted the treat. Dr. Lee Thompson gave me the MINI™ for 500 points, and a free Knuckles recolour. I had plump luscious. . . LUCIOS lippies and ate caribou crap ice cream. Grand Dad kissed my forehead and I was sent into Review Movie World's Youtube channel.

It was filled with only a review of Foodfight! My favorite movie! The only problem with this is the fact that when I watched it, I was brought to this screen.

WINDOWS 10???? A FREE DOWNLOAD???? BONZI BUDDY?!?!?!? OKAY!!!!!!!!! I went inside of the download and there was nothing. Just blackness and a screen that said, "YOU WILL LOVE WINDOWS 10... OR SNORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

OH MY GOD. IT WAS ACTUALLY... A PICTURE... OF... ... ?? ?? ? ?? ???? bit.snort.yum. GOD DAMNIT. IT FOOLED ME AGAIN! Especially after saying that they love me more than I could imagine... IN SPANISH.

I had to get out. It was going to be hell, but first... WHERE WAS BONZI BUDDY!?

Just as I screamed that out, he appeared. "WHY, HELLO THERE!", he began speaking in a high pitched voice. "I believe that we have not been properly introduced. I'm Bonzi!" I got out of that place, with Bonzi Buddy following me.

I was suddenly teleported to what appears to be a faux news studio, except it has a random popcorn machine and there were random popcorn spilled to the floor. I heard, in the distance, "WHOOOOOT IS UP DRAMAALERT NATION I'M YOUR HOST KILLER KEEMSTARRRRR LEEEEEET'S GET ROOOOOOOOOIIIIGHT INTO THE NEWS!!!!!!!!!"

Then the voices keep multiplying. Eventually I was teleported again. To what seems like a snowy area.

Suddenly there was a giant gnome statue. It began speaking, "hey now". Then dissipated.

"...Oh? Oh.", I said. "What did the beaver say to the tree?", Bonzi suddenly asked.

"It's been nice gnaw-", he said before I punch him. He flew outside the screen.

Then I heard sounds... It was... very familiar.

It was the Windows XP startup music.

I was overjoyed with NOSTALGIA™ and hugged Bonzi wait what? But then I noticed it was Bonzi so I threw him at Thatcher that was standing in the snow without context. I saw the giant ancient Windows logo in the sky rising like a yummy sunrise. It spawned my lord and saviour's face on it and blessed the world.

Suddenly all was ruined with Bonzi's creepy-ass laugh. And then Elmo walked out of nowhere. "HAHA! WHO WANTS TO DIE?!" and it was playing "THE EYE OF THE SPIDER" in the background. Elmo walked up to me with Bonzi and they were holding butter knives. They tried to stab me with hyper realistic butter knives but my blood was hyper realistic chocolate. So I started eating myself wait what? Then I noticed Paws walk out of nowhere and Thatcher gave him a peck on the cheek. WHAT.

Then Thatcher walked up to me and gave me a peck on the cheek. OKAY

.

"I'm a reincarnation of Knuckles!" Thatcher screamed.

"BUT I'M A BLACK KNUCKLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I argued. Then Paws shriveled into a grape and Bonzi ate it. And then the cooked naked turkey stripper flew from the sky and twerked on everyone's head.

I ate the cooked naked turkey stripper... Tasty kids.

WHAT?

Anyway... the giantess Bink came back and saw this OBAMANATION waIT WHAT?? Obama was now the giantess Bink. So it was now the giantess Obama. It was wearing Knuckles' dress WHAT and said, "I OBJECT! I'M OBVIOUSLY THE KNUCKLES REINCARNATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE HIS DRESS!!!!!!!!!!"

Then Knuckles happened.

He saw this whole thing and just imploded... INTO SONIC ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and a pikachu in a bra. He was wearing the shirtless dad bra and it said on it "Sweetypie~ ;)" in Comic MS.

Suddenly in a speedo, I wore my Fire Mario Collectors' Edition backpack. Then Peppermint came up to me and said "WHO WANTS TWISTED FRUIT???!?!??!!?!?" then she turned into Peppa Pig.

She snorted, and then she expanedededededede.

Then she imploded into yet again, more impeccable Sonic ice cream with hyperrealistic eyes staring into everyone's souls.

And then I hear Chadtronic laughing.

Suddenly the sky was full of (happy) Skype emoticons. They were twerking towards me. They came closer and closer by every yottasecond (1/100000000ths of a milisecond, mind you).

That is the last thing I remembered before I woke up in my home, and Lippies adverts were playing on the TV (you know, the one with the creepy voice saying "Kissy Lips Cereal, a smooch in every bite~"?)

I looked to my side. I was terrified.

There, sitting on the table,

a box of Sonic ice cream with bloody eyes staring into my soul.

Right next to it is a disc. A blank, gray disc with "SONIC_ICE_CREAM.EXE" written hastily. Also it has the Phillips logo plastered and stretched over it. It looked compressed, too.

I picked the disc up and inserted it into my 100-year-old laptop's disc drive. The Mac startup sound played, but it was so loud it broke my windows. (PUNNY!)

The computer screen suddenly cut to black.

Then, I heard a familiar tune. It was the messed-up 8-bit snort Flintsones theme! The screen went to blue and it had the snort Grand Dad with Fred's face floating beside it and it said "7 GRAND DAD" and then a midi version of Joel's voice played. I pressed start and it took me to a picture of a house, but the colours were inverted, it had a dog with wings and Rex and Sleepy and said REX AND THE APESITE COLERS.

This is the best game ever!

Then it went to a screen with a weird snort 4-frame gif of Grand Dad twerking, and beside it was a pixelated giantess Bink twerking. It played the Grand Dad version of Grand Metropolis Zone from Sonic Heroes. I spammed my keyboard but nothing happened. Then I decided to type in "K N U C K L E S" and 111's face spawned wait wWHAT? And it played Big Boo's carasol snort song. However you spell that OH! I stared into the soul of 111 but then grand dad engulfed the screen with a flesh pile. He stared at me with hyper realistic eyes and then said,

"You are Joel. And a reincarnation of Knuckles."

.

"Also I am a bottom."

I twerked inside of the flesh pile a bit until the snort let me go.

"And to think this all started because I wanted some ice cream?" I said to myself.

I really wanted to go home and watch my favorite show, MY LITTLE PONY:LIPPIES IS MAGIC!!!!

I ran away. FAR FAR AWAY!!! Far out... into the SOLAR SYSTEM. THE SUN LOOKED AT ME WITH IT'S RAD SUNGLASSES AND TWERKED AT ME; blinding me. All of a sudden, a space ship kidannde me. Wh

The aliens were like naked turtle alien things or whatever. The said, "BLOOP BLOP." and gave me a weird gun. I didn't know what was happening by this point, but I started shooting the camera man. wait...

I tried to shoot the gun and I hit a cactus IN SPACE! wh and it exploded with a "OH!" sound.

The aliens just looked at me.

+_+

"Bloop blop!" They said to me with a cheery SOUND.

They kicked me out of their space ship. I felt something on my back. I grabbed it; it was a "Kick me" sign.

I wore my glasses, and somehow it said "KICK BUTTOWSKI" instead. What the heck????

I was suddenly teleported to /dev/cat-scratch's profile page. Afterwards, the snorty SpongeTux icon expanded and it took over the entire solar system. I was thrown just outside the galaxy, and I met THE MANE SIX, which are somehow a million times bigger than the galaxy.

"OMG!!!!! MY DREAMS CAME TRUE!!!!!", I screamed in sheer excitement. It has always been a life-long dream to see the Mane Six in pony- I mean, person.

Giantess Rainbow Dash touched my forehead and I was brought back to the real world, in front of my computer. On the screen is a Windows 7 desktop, with a compressed Koala sample image wallpaper and Bonzi Buddy. On the taskbar there was only one program minimized: Firechrome.

I opened it up to see a website dedicated to Grand Dad. The 8-bit Flintstones music was playing throughout, and there were Grand Dad icons all over the place. They blink, too!

I looked up to see that I have 70 billion tabs open. I picked one at random and there was a blank page with a button that said, "caulc removing tool click here"

I was an idiot, so I clicked it. Suddenly the computer started spamming Skype sounds. And then it turned off.

I couldn't turn it back on.

After a minute of whining about my computer, it magically turned on. Except on the screen, it said "Ubuntu Furry Remix".

"Best system evfur", I thought, considering I'm a furry and I go to furry conventions on a regular basis. I keep my fursuits clean of course.

Suddenly the computer started twerking. No, literally. The tower and the monitor were twerking to "Baby Got Back", that started to play randomly.

And then everything stopped.

I walked outside, and the first thing I hear is "Anyway You Want It". It could be just my head, though. Because I have that song stuck in my head for 3000 million years.

I see impeccable fursuits on the road. It looked like most of them were made of mere fur and cardboard or something. Some of them had snort oversized beady eyes, and a few of them even have bloodstains on it. There was no way I am seeing this. I need to get my eyes checked or something.

"THIS HAS TO BE A GLITCH!!!!!!!!!!", I screamed.

And then Bitch Mountain, which has a giant poster of Bink's face pasted over it, started talking. Yes, you read it right, A TALKING MOUTAIN. It said, "BUT OF COURSE."

"What?"

It continued, "Dearie, inded it is a glitch. It's caused by an impeccable being... known as TREVORETTE. You must save the Earth from her. Or else there will be Neko Sanses. Do you want that? Do you want the entire population of Earth to have a frozen cringe face?"

I stood there. The Bink face posters' eyes began to glow. There were lens flares on the eyes.

The computer started hyperventilating randomly what?

Suddenly I was in a speedo, as if I'm not already in a speedo. Because I wore both a purple sequin and a red hot speedo so that's yummy. What the heck even.

ANYHOO, I was given a task by Bitch Mountain snort. I had to stop this "Trevorette", whoever that is, and I was given Thor's hammer to fight it.

Suddenly I was face-to-face with Trevorette. She was singing the stupid BAKU BAKU NYA NYA song and also claims to be THE GREAT PAPYRUS(TM) what?

I swung the hammer to her face and it began to melt.

Where her face had been, there were another horde of naked-ass minions twerking.

"WHAT THE HECCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK" then everything exploded MichaelSquishyEddy89 style.

After everything faded out, I landed in Zilo's Classic(TM) French Fries.

I saw Zilopap on the counter. He said, in a GoAnimate voice whilist staring into my soul, "HOW DO YOU DO??????" while dispensing sass.

Then everything became red and there was an earthquake for some reason. An incredibly loud demon voice said, "OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH!!!!!!!!!! ZILOPAP, HOW DARE YOU WORK IN ZILO'S CLASSIC(TM) FRENCH FRIES!?!?!?!?!?!?!? YOU ARE GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED FOR SIX NINE SEVEN EIGHT ZERO ZERO EIGHT ONE TWO FIVE SIX NINE NIE EIGHT THREE THREE NINE ONE FIVE ZERO SEVEN YEARS!!!!!!! GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Then both Caillou and uolliaC expanded into my face causing small Caillou pimples to spawn on my face. As in, pimples shaped like Caillou's face. It started crying and twerking at the same time.

Then I hear crinkling bags. Is that you Nyro? wh

Then Tito spawns out of nowhere spraying wa-wa on everyone's faces.

what? Yummy.

(You can get out of this world, engineers.)

Tito handed me a TWISTED FRUIT™ and sent me to Mr. Barber's room. Mr. Barber was standing at the front of the class twerking with his pants pulled up to his waist.

"I'M THE MAYOR OF HAPPY TOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed. "Now time for bee keeping summer camp!"

Why did Tito send me here?! BEES? BEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"He is my favourite math teacher ever!" Tito blew a kiss randomly for no reason. Then he drew a massive porabola on the white board and Mr. Barber admired it for ten years. But then Kody Spiekers walked up and drew a fat anthro in scooba diving gear.

"Well that just adds the cherry on the cake!" Mr. Barber screamed with joy. I was getting weirded out by the pre-calculus class and walked out. But then Mr. Tremblay spawned and made my knees tremblay. BULBOUS KNEECAPS. Rage filmed his bulbous kneecaps and posted it online for the world to see! Okay. . . THOSE ARE SOME FAT AND SASSY KNEECAPS BABE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the video had Rage playing an impeccable piano "theme" song over his twerking kneecaps.

So I walked out of the school because I had it with Rage's freaking knees. There was a naked babysnort Kneecaps butt with no tail that spawned in the sky, drawn by Ken Penders! The twerking diaper snort butt came down but it turned into a fresh horde of naked ass minions again. I JUST CAN'T ESCAPE THE MINIONS! The minions twerked into a mass that looked like a twerking anime IHE and then Pete the Pirate's face floating on every page number in my school Yearbook. The twerking anime IHE gave me a freaking SONIC ICE CREAM and I threw it at the dolphin Chadtronic floating in the swimming pool. His face was derpy and never changed like JAKE SHOW. Then there was an awkward 10 second pause for no reason at all.

I got really annoyed and just wanted to watch that special Lippies V.3 edition of MLP already! So I started walking home because I could wait for PONY LIPPIES V.3 KNUCKLES.

It turned out, it was all a dream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I watched Lippies V.3 MLP ALL DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!